The number one difference between the first week of the first year and the first week of the second year is that the second time around it is easier to love the kids rather than blame them for their behavior and flail ineffectively against something you have not even begun to understand. It is so much easier this year to see the KIDS, to see what they are and understand that there a reason for every one of their actions, to see them for the sensitive and (importantly) young people that they are, to forgive them rather than trying to befriend them, to do your best to be the adult that they need in any situation that might arise in your classroom. With love and understanding also comes kindness that you notice in yourself and find yourself eagerly trying to offer the kids who sometimes seem to be crying out for it, without loosing the strict environment that seems to make for the most effective classroom. It is easier to be the adult this year, to see what the kids really need (or so I think; I guess I shouldn't assume) and there is more joy in it because you have more to offer your kids.

The second year there are thousands (maybe literally) of things you want to change, but you have a clearer idea of how to get it done. There is more positive excitement and maybe even more positive pressure, and much greater satisfaction thus far. It is easier to feel capable, and that feeling of success, the feeling that you might actually be doing something good for these kids, makes you even more responsible for them and pushes you even harder.

That being said, I also know my limits far better than I did last year. I need to sleep. No sleep= horrible day. (Same goes for not enough sleep.) It's still tempting, though. I also need time to not think about school; it's really, really important for perspective. I realized (tonight, actually) that if I am going to be the adult that these kids deserve in my classroom, then I am going to have to take some time to be myself outside of it, and not feel guilty, and not worry about it for a little while. I wasted a lot of time in a state of general burnout last year, because I felt I was doing a lousy job and never forgave myself for it enough to get a break and get better.
This year, I am taking some time to disengage.

Of course, there are the obvious differences as well: There are many kids that I remember and enjoy seeing during the day, and find myself wanting to know how they're doing and offer them any help I can give them. I actually started noticing this last year, with my graduating seniors. When they're not in your classroom anymore, you suddenly have trouble letting go and wish you could give them more. I am trying to be stricter this year, by a long shot. I did not like the way my classroom ran last year. This year, I am more aware that it is truly MY classroom, and I am trying to do what needs to be done to keep it that way, the only way that class time is going to be used effectively. I'm sure I'm still making mistakes, and there are still little uncertainties, but it feels so much better, and I am excited to get through the preliminary stuff (materials, binder set-up, student "likes" surveys, procedures review and quiz, pre-test, etc.) to actually use my lessons. We'll see how those go. I hope that the kids will get out of them what they are designed to teach; kind of nerve-wracking actually. (There's also extra pressure because I am state-tested this year and we're level 1/priority). If this is my best shot at this, what if it fails? I guess I'll have to stream line and make corrections as I go along. Wish me luck, and good luck to everyone.