How could a person go to work in the morning come home in the evening and have nothing to say: Reflecting on the first semester.

I've been dreading this one. I'm optimistic to the point of idealism but it would be dishonest to pretend that I think that everything will be okay. It's not okay, and I'm not fixing it. I don't even think that I'm doing a better job than somebody from the area could do; in fact, someone from the area would at least have the student's loyalty and respect. I'm sure of this because a fellow teacher's position was taken by a gentleman who has grown up in the area of happy sunshine school district and upon arrival at the school he commanded instant respect from his students, and mine. Really, I think he could do a better job at my job most of the time.

To be fair, today I loved my job. For the first time in a really, really long time. For no reason in particular, my classes were quiet and interested. I hope I didn't jinx it. When the classroom management stuff clears a bit, some other stuff is clear, too; the academic struggles are more obvious, but easier to face head on. When my kids are doing what they need to be, it's also clear that I'd like to be doing about a zillion other things with them.

The bottom line is, I need some improvement. Sure there are some difficult factors in the situation. Most factors, though, are within the teacher's control. If everything were as it should be on my end, it would be much easier to deal with the problems that arise. I'm getting there, I swear.

Also, it seems that no amount of planning is enough, that lessons never go as planned, and that my best lessons happen when I ignore the plan and just teach, instinctively. It keeps me thinking, rather than expecting to rely on some plan, and it's much easier to calmly handle problems when I'm in that kind of thinking-on-your-feet mode.

In curriculum news, I haven't covered as much stuff as I am supposed to have covered if I want to finish everything in my chemistry classes, my chemistry II class does chemistry I work because out of the six, two have not ever taken chemistry I and the other four were given a free period and an automatic A during the aforementioned class last year, and it takes three times as long as expected to move my chemistry classes through material requiring any foundation of basic skills, because those skills have to be taught first. I'm working on finding better ways to teach it, but you have to feel along as you go. My biology classes understand some of the concepts but it is a real struggle to have them connect the concepts to anything real to them and think about how they apply. On the plus side, another teacher corps teacher and I (the two of us constitute the science department at happy sunshine district) combined our EEF money to order some really cool stuff to dissect, I already have the ten day written for an entire content competency/ set of objectives out of six total for the year since of course it was an assignment, and the dissections will be a huge part of another one, so hopefully there will be some time to work on research and writing, which is what I really think they need. I do have them write essays, but I really don't have much curriculum flexibility since we do not write our own nine weeks tests. So we're working within that where we can. Or trying to. Again, I'm not saying that I'm doing a good job with it.

The kids keep you going, of course. They're the reason for everything, and the reason it hurts so much to fail.

One last note; I'm concerned about my teaching, yes, but it would be about a billion times worse if I did not have the support of all my roommates. Thanks guys. A lot.

I used to always have something to say, some idea for how to fix stuff. I'm not sure how to fix this one. Again, I'm working on it. Hopeing to have some good news to report soon.