It is going to be so hard to leave, just when I am beginning to discover what is really here. I was so proud of them tonight, and I finally felt really, really connected to this place. At the same time, it made me even more upset with myself for everything that I am not doing right and everything I have let slide, as I watch those same kids shine, and hate myself for every way I fail them.

I wonder if he'll ever get to college and graduate, I wonder if anyone else will ever see how talented he is, and let him build up his strengths like he should (and why didn't I make it happen...could I still?)...I wonder if she is safe at home, I wonder if they'll graduate, I wonder if anything I do will change anything at all for the better, I wonder how many of them will be alright. I wish I could tell the world and chance and mistakes and fate to keep their hands off of my kids.