Omaha, Montgomery, and the Mississippi Delta

"Hey mister if you're gonna walk on water, could you drop a line my way"
(sounds like a statement, not a question)

The counting crows set the background for the end of today, which is in turn the end of teacher corps summer training- many of us are leaving tommorow or have already left. Guess this is the end of the beginning. I've heard several people comment that they will miss the group, the proximity. I know what they mean.

Breakfast this morning was wonderful. Bottle tree. The food was delicious. The atmosphere even more so; I soaked in the company greedily. Really, really nice. Thanks guys.

I never really understand what draws us together and pulls us apart. The only obvious thing is that we are affected. We'll see each other after this summer, of course, but in a slightly different mode, different situation. And of course everything will keep changing.

I moved most of my things into our house today, which meant about half a day of packing, an hour of unloading, and five and a half hours of driving alone through the Delta. "I've never been so alone, and I've never been so alive"-3EB. I left in a rush, stressing out. The Delta lulled me. There's definitely an elegance to it, a special character. I glanced down at a map while driving in some vague attempt to trace my progress, and chanced upon Montogery county. Made me remember "Angels from Montgomery", a memory from a differnet world of a song about possibly this very place. I wonder how a place like the Delta affects someone who spends all of their time there, how it affects them and how they are part of it or vise versa, if they are.

I stopped for directions at a gas station. I was looking for route 6 and wanted to make sure I hadn't passed it yet. The gentlemen who gave me directions commented "Its a loooong" way from here...about 36 miles." What different paradigms we have. I have an admission; I'm not sure what the appropriate attitude toward that issue is. Instinctively, a difference is always a curiousity, something to be learned, the world from a different perspective. But at the same time, it is difficult not to judge, not to see some kind of tradgedgy there. Teaching seems to assume authority, though. If we are teaching, are we teaching only our subject areas? It would seem that much more is required. Insight, perspective, ideas, inspiration if we can pull it off. But does that mean assuming that our way is better, that our ideas are more valid. We will each do our best, and hope its the right thing... "the crumbling difference between wrong and right."-CC

I drove back through sunset. Spectacular.

I alternated between listening to music and listening to the silence.

"I'm sure there's something in a shade of gray or something in between." Perfect.
If only I could find it. There never seem to be right words or clear answers. Maybe it's true "there's always more than one way to exactly what you mean to say"-Fastball. Maybe there's no right way at all.

So if summer training is over, that means we have all the training we will have as teacher's when we start school. That thought has been on random repeat, along with a number of other selections, in the back of my mind for several days now. I'm feeling okay about it. I have a sketch, a rough idea of how the first days will go, how my classroom will run, how the lessons will go- the training gave us some ideas to choose from, and now the details are slowly solidifying as I try not to focus in on any one detail, but look at the big picture and let ideas fall into place. Despite the un-reality of it, TEAM was really helpful. Something clicked, I think, in the midst of trying to write the perfect lesson plan for each day. Maybe because we focused so much energy on only five lessons, and they still weren't perfect, I became comfortable with the ideas that plans are always changing, that there is no absolute ideal, and that you have to trust your judement if you want creativity to flow.

Hope the coming days are full of delicious moments for everyone...

"We roll by just like water..."

A new leaf...

I've been somewhat hesitant with the blog concept, partly because I have never posted information about my life on the internet before, partly because (in case it's not obvious) I still have a good dose of self-conscious to get out of my system, and largely for three other related reasons.

1) I am still uncertain about the boundaries between what is personal and what is teacher-corps related, since at this point, the two aspects of my life are so tightly intertwined. I cannot predict what it will be like in the future, but right now, teaching is an integral part of living. Writing is very personal to me, a place where I am completely honest, and I am hesitant to be writing-style honest and then introduce restraint to the equation. Some information is obviously not neccessary or appropriate for a professional blog. Also, I want what I write to reflect me, and awareness of audience often skews tone, at least for me.
2) Blogging means talking about my experiences and feelings. I can almost hear the criticism...why should anyone be interested. I think I'm over that, though, thanks to my inspiring classmates and their brilliant writing. I really enjoy reading their blogs, so even without their elegant humor and smooth tongues, I am more comfortable with the idea of sharing.
3) It won't be perfect.

The thing is, I'm going to have to open up, relax. Have to run ...More to come.

Video evaluation #2

I nearly fell asleep while watching the video of my lesson. There were several effective and enlivening activities used to demonstrate different types of protist motility, but these were not enough to create a dynamic, effective lesson. My evaluator must have been in a kind mood.

While there may be times that lecturing will be a component of the lesson, in this case talking through the notes and giving examples did not seem to create a memorable information set for the students. A more cohesive, engaging lesson is required.

My delivery did not help. My students do not need to see my self-consciousness, they need to see structure and strength. They'll need to see that I am serious and expect them to do their work, and they'll need to see that I am confident. They will- I don't think this will be a problem when I am in front of a class room of students, rather than a few of my peers, and I will certainly be aware of the self conscious behaviors that came out during TEAM evaluation.

In addition, I am teaching, not pretending to be a teacher. It's an important distinction. When being evaluated, it's easy to try to behave like a teacher, to use mannerisms and phrases other teachers use. To teach effectively, though, it seems important to drop this facade and be yourself, teach honestly, use your strengths. I will need to drop filler words such as "right" and "so".

The video evaluation activity from summer school was less informative than it might have been since I filmed a lesson that required students to do most of the work, whereas the more recent video evaluation provided insight into my teaching style. I am definitely more comfortable when the students are engaged and excited, and the difference was evident between the two lessons.

Overall- my style needs some firming up. The video definitely offered some perspective on my teaching style, and some ideas of what to keep in mind when I begin teaching my own classes.

From the outside: On watching a taped lesson

The third period lesson I taped was unusual in that I did not invent the activity myself, but instead used a (rather good) concept suggested by one of my second years. The activity involved investigating carrying capacity via accumulation of “food”, or labeled paper plates and cups, of which there were not enough to support all of the “cougars”, or students, in the room. Several cougars had injuries or young to support, making the food gathering process more difficult.

After teaching the lesson, as after most lessons, I was highly aware of mistakes that I had made, aspects that could have run more smoothly, explanations that I might have made more clearer. I did, however, think the lesson was effective, and a useful activity.

Watching the video felt like watching a stranger, at least at first. I found that the ways a lesson goes in your mind and the way it runs on tape are apparently not always matched. For me, the tape is more forgiving. Since I am fairly highly aware of how each explanation goes, of whether or not I thought the kids really understood it completely, I don’t notice the parts of the lesson that are clear. Instead, I spend more time worrying about the parts that weren’t, since those are the ones that bear reflection.

While teaching, especially during the part of each lesson when a quiz is given and reviewed- the part that involves the least personality and personal style- I sometimes feel like I am playing teacher. I found it surprising to watch myself in that role.

Either way, it was a new sensation to watch myself teaching, and helpful to view the lesson from the outside.

Realized today that it is July- has been, in fact, for nearly two full days- and I have yet to post my final reflections on a June in teacher corps (has it really only been a month?).

My impression:

Upon seeing, face to face, the issues that drew us to MS, certain realities are more immediately clear (enough said), as is the amount of work that will be required. I feel more capable and more directly aware of the problems. The second years have proved invaluable for providing perspective. Listening to stories about what they have encountered and what they have done about it has offered insight into the possibilities for dealing with various issues, illustrated what is effective and what is not, and especially proved that some things are effective, even when we meet with initial resistance.

An opinion about rules:

We have to teach students to think for themselves, not just to follow the rules. Rules should have a purpose, and we should encourage student ownership, not obedience.

An acknowledgement: The people make the program, and go out of their way to make it work.
This is needed, and we'll make it work.